The Shelter/List of Episodes/1-3: The Great Amiibo Hunt
'''The Great Amiibo Hunt '''is the third episode of Season 1 of the Shelter. It is written mainly by Captain Moch. Sypnosis Ever since their announcement at E3 2014, Moch became addicted to the collection of Nintendo's amiibo figures. And when they announce a super-rare Lanky Kong figure, Moch gives up nearly everything, including his sanity, to try getting it. Transcript (episode opens in rehabitalation center, with Moch being picked up from it by ACF) ACF: Damn son, how did this happen to you? You haven't eaten in days. All you're talking about is this damn figure craze. YOU EVEN- Moch: I know what happened... I'm not proud of it... and... ACF: Okay, how did this shit even start? Moch: *sigh* It all started... at E3 2014... ''- A few months earlier (at E3 2014) -'' Nintendo: Introducing our new Skylanders ripoff figure line, amiibo! They're like other ones, except based off Smash Bros. and are used in more then one game! And we're gonna make the ENTIRE SMASH BROS. ROSTER IN IT! Moch: .... Moch: Holy fuck. ''- A few months later (at November 21st) -'' Moch: Woah, Super Smash Bros. for Wii U is out, and the AMIIBO have came out too! (Moch passes by full shelves of Marth, Villager, and Wii Fit Trainer amiibo) Moch: Wow, those figures look cool. But I think I'll start simple. I'm gonna buy this Yoshi figure! I mean, it's not like those amiibo are just gonna disappear permanently after this. Present!Moch: Who knew, that I could be so wrong... ''- A month or so later -'' Moch: *on phone* NO, I AM NOT LOOKING FOR ANIMAL CROSSING: NEW LEAF! I'M ASKING IF YOU HAVE A DAMN VILLAGER FROM ANIMAL CROSSING AMIIBO! YOU DON'T? WELL YOUR SITE SAYS OTHERWISE! I'M REPORTING YOU TO CORPORATE! SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR JOB, YOU IRRESPONSIBLE WORKER! (slams phone down) Comp: Uh, Moch? Are you okay? You seem a bit too crazed about this amiibo situation. Sure, they're cool, but you already have majority of the ones you want and- Moch: No, I do not have all the ones I want. Because I need them... all. Comp: Dude, every Smash amiibo would cost $716+ dollars, are you really gonna- Moch: Well... no... yeah, maybe I should calm down. ''- Another few weeks later -'' Nintendo: Announcing Nintendo Wave 3, featuring more characters that we will not restock, or even get a fucking release date for! Fuck you! Fuck you all! Moch: ... Moch: Well, fuck. ''- Another few weeks later -'' Moch: (walks home with huge collection of Wave 3 amiibo in his hand, only to see the whole gang standing with a giant "Intervention" sign) ...what is this? Faves: Moch, you've been concerning yourself too much with this amiibo stuff. You need to stop. Phantom: We're concerned for you. ACF: We're doing this because we care. Moch: No, I can't stop. I need them... all... ALL... *breaks down crying* Comp: *hugs Moch* It's okay, we'll help you- Nintendo: *on television screen* Announcing Wave 4 of our amiibo line, with the brand new Lanky Kong amiibo! Of which we have only made 10! Everyone: (looks at Moch) Moch: I MUST... I NEED... I guess... I can go without it. ''- Another few weeks later -'' (dramatic music plays as Moch is bursting into store at opening, running to the video games section) Comp: (walks in behind Moch) Goddamnit. (picks up phone) My theories were right. He's still doing it. Bring the gang. Moch: (reaches back of store, sees kid holding only Lanky Kong amiibo) Kid: Ah man, it's Lanky Kong! He's my favorite character from that one game you bought me mommy! Can I please buy this as my only birthday present because we are so poor and- Moch: Shove it, kid. (grabs Lanky Kong amiibo from his hands and walks to cashier) I'll be buying this Lanky Kong amiibo, please. ''- A couple of minutes later -'' Moch: (walking out of store, sees the gang doing an intervention out there) Not you guys, again! Let me live out my passion! ACF: This isn't a passion, it's an addiction. It needs to stop. Comp: You literally stole that toy from a kid's hands. Moch: Well he didn't appreciate for what it really was- Faves: That's it Moch, I'm taking this from you. (grabs Lanky out of Moch's hands) Moch: NOOOOOOOOO!! (falls on ground then starts to run away) That's it, I'm leaving you unsupportive bunch! You will never appreciate me! Faves: Wow... Comp: What are you gonna do with that figure? Faves: (sees the kid walking out of the store, still sad) Hmm... ''- 10 minutes later -'' Faves: Sold! This Lanky just got me $500 on eBay, suckers! ''- 1 day later -'' Moch: (walking through empty desert, alone, unshaven and tired) So hungry... so thirsty... so... (faints) Moch: (wakes up in rehabilitation center) Oh no... what happened? Doctor: We found you on the side of the road. You didn't look too good. We recognized the symptoms as amiibo addiction and took you in. We already called one of your friends to come and pick you up. Moch: So... you're gonna treat this for me? Will you end my addiction? Doctor: It's not that simple... some severe cases have been here for months. Like that MarioTehPlumber fellow. (cuts to MarioTehPlumber by stack of Rosalina amiibo) MarioTehPlumber: NO, I WILL NOT GIVE THEM UP! THEY'RE ALL MINE! (faces towards Rosalina) I hate you, you are a terrible character, nobody else can have you... oh baby... (starts making out with stack of Rosalina amiibo) I hate you so much... you are terrible... no fans can have you... ''- Back to right now -'' ACF: So that's the whole story, huh? Tragic. Moch: I know... but I think it's over. They gave me some medicine here. Some treatments. I think I may have learned how to get over it. ACF: That's good. Ready to head home? Moch: Sure. (ACF and Moch get into car and radio is on) Nintendo: *over radio* Announcing amiibo wave 5- ACF: Oh dear... Nintendo: ...featuring a new swimsuit Shulk figure! (music starts getting intense) ACF: (stares at Moch with very scared, concerned expression) Moch: (sweating intensely as camera slowly zooms in onto his face) (cut to black) Credits Gag Moch (calling into store): So yeah, do you have the swimsuit Shulk amiibo. Customer Service: We have a basic Shulk amiibo, it just recently got restocked. Moch: No, the same guy but wearing a different outfit. Customer Service: Um... I don't know? Moch: You don't know?! Moch: sweetie, you are literally so out of line it’s fucking unbelievable. i could drag you so hard right now but i know you’ll just end up crying. i’ve roasted you before and you know it. chances are you’ll just say i bullied you because you’re gay and have different skin. talk shit get hit, you don’t wanna mess with me kiddo; i’ve got a black belt. i know threats are fucked up but that’s all i’ve been receiving all day, probably from her royal hoodrat olive and all of her nasty friends. but you can gang up on me and make fun of me for being goth all you want. i’ve been hurt a lot. my first boyfriend cheated on me, my dad screams if i forget to do my chores, and there are some days i don’t even want to get out of bed in the mornings. i’m a jaded teenage girl. i’ve been through shit that you wouldn’t even dream of. you think your life is hard? try asking the cutest guy in your grade out in the middle of the cafeteria only to find out he has a fucking girlfriend. you don’t know my life or my story so keep my name out of your nasty mouth. life is a battlefield and it looks like i’ve already won. Category:The Shelter Category:Pages by Captain Moch Category:The Shelter Episodes